We use to be inseparable. We may not be as close as we use to be but i’ll always consider you one of my good friends. I’ll never forget all the memories we had with each other. I’ve been missing our friendship a lot lately but I know its not the same anymore and we’re not the same people we use to be. Things have changed so much.
When you ended things you took a part of me with you and I want it back. Your doing you and I’m doing me. We’re both happy but I won’t lie at times I wish we were together being happy. Sometimes I can’t fathom that you’re gone and not in my life anymore and if I called you to come see me like I used to all the time, you wouldn’t. I’m lying to myself if I say I regret everything and that I don’t think about you and the times we’ve had. They creep up on me all the time. When I see you, I completely lose it. I don’t want to just run into at random times and just say hi and ask how each others been. I don’t want to see you once every month. I don’t want awkward looks at each other when your girlfriend is around. There is so much I’d want to say but nothing comes out. I don’t hear your voice everyday, or feel your touch, or kiss you lips.. but I don’t have a choice. When you left I lost a part of me. I leaned on you when times got rough. Whose gonna talk to me till the sun comes up. I can’t sleep at night when your on my mind. I’m trying to keep it together but I’m honestly falling apart. I found someone to get you off my mind sometimes and I am happy. But I feel guilty when I think about you, cause I shouldn’t be. It’s not fair to him. I know only time heals everything and I’ve been waiting a damn long time for this to heal. No one really understands my situation expect for one person and she really isn’t in my life anymore. I lose people I care about most. I don’t know what i’ll do without my bestfriend listening to me bitch about this and being the only one who doesn’t get sick of hearing it because we’re both insane. I miss sleeping beside him every night and talking for 4 hours straight just about life and everyone getting annoyed because we would never shut up and sit there laughing. You were my first for everything. First boy I had sleepovers with, first boy I told absolutely everything to, first boy I was my complete self around, first boy I’d spend 5 days straight with, first boy I truly fell in love with. There’s a lot of feelings that remain since you’ve been gone. I didn’t put it all behind me because I don’t think what we had is something to just forget about and throw away. I’ll always think about it but I won’t sit here waiting anymore for nothing to happen. I’m working on making myself happy and it’s getting better day by day.
I miss you so much it hurts. I can’t even describe how much I’m hurting.
